“There is always failure. There is always disappointment. There is always loss. The secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.” – Michael J. Fox
As I sit in my office, I’m surrounded by so many things that I love. I have fresh tulips on my desk, my vision board to my right, a couple trinkets from my trip to Bali, two of my favorite books, and a multitude of words and phrases and photos that keep me connected, centered, and aligned with my divine truth.
And yet, I ache.
The loss that I feel is, at times, still overwhelming and raw and real. It happened 8 months ago and sometimes it feels as if it were yesterday. Being fired from a very coveted role that to me was the ‘holy grail’ of my life, has proved to be one of the most challenging things that has ever happened.
At the same time, though, I know it is perfect and divine.
Ever since I was 18 years old I dreamed of being a part of this incredible organization that, at the time, I couldn’t even get close to. It was something that was so mysterious and amazing to me and because of the circumstance, I knew I’d never be a part of it. Fast forward 19 years and by the time I turned 37 years old (October 2013), I not only had been a part of it, but I held a leadership role for 2+years, ran the entire program, and had been fired from said role.
I’ve rationalized about it and have had numerous conversations with my trusted network. And I know in my heart of hearts that there IS a definite reason for this. I know that had I continued at the pace I was going, I would never be able to fully propel my business forward. Had I continued, I know that the dreams and visions I had for supporting thousands and thousands of lives would be put on hold. Had I continued, I would be able to have the excuse that I was too busy volunteering to make my work and business a priority. Had I continued, my voice would have been silenced.
What I have learned from this experience is that sometimes what we think is the “end all be all” is really just part of the beginning. I’ve learned that because I had so much energy and focus built into this being my ‘holy grail’, that once I reached the proverbial pinnacle, it felt like my work was done.
I’ve realized that I saw this role in my life as the big one. I saw this as being my chance and opportunity to make a difference. I know now that had I not been fired, I would have stayed, thinking that was it.
What if this so-called holy grail was just a stepping stone? What if I have more to offer?
Although I often still ache at the loss of what once was and what could have been, I’m energized to think that it was a beautiful stepping stone. The dream that I had held for nearly 20 years was way bigger than I ever imagined. Instead of sitting in the aching, I’m choosing to embrace this and move forward, knowing that this letting go simply means ‘space for new is created’.
As I move forward, I’m beginning to see that no matter how big I can dream, there is always room for something bigger.
The pain still comes and goes and there are days when it’s easier and days when it’s harder. In the end, though, I’m extremely grateful for the entire experience. If I didn’t have it, I would have always wondered “what if?” Instead, with my head held high I can say that I gave it all I had and I’m ready to see what’s next.
I have more to offer and I’m excited as it continues unfolding!
What about you? Have you ever had a time when you thought you reached an amazing dream and suddenly it was taken? What did you do?
As always, I’m so grateful you’re here and sharing. I look forward to connecting with you and hearing your thoughts!
Make a Difference . . . Lead with Love